Day 2: Cowles, NM.

I began to be restless as the slightest bit of light from the sun peaked over the horizon line many miles away. You know that light blue feeling you get from inside the tent? That is about what it was like when I opened my eyes...for the first time. When I finally sat up and decided to start my day it was 6:30... I picked my clothes for this day carefully because A) I was hiking and B) I could wear whatever clothes deemed disrespectful by society ( and they were rightfully so)...

There was a hole in the jeans i chose, starting with the inseam and stretching almost to the outseam and 4 inches in width and two inches from my crotch. It was a massive hole, with one, not so large, on the other side. I also chose to wear a shirt from an organization I am in at college...even away from the campus it makes me feel cool....perhaps cooler. I put my shoes and socks on and stepped out into the tent, it was a whole new world of beauty, and I would trade that morning for anything I have in life. After getting over the beauty I packed my brand new day pack, which I continue to admire as I pack my pocket bible, moleskin, safety blanket, anorak, and small pipe into my bag. I fill a nalgene with water and deleted some photos of yesterday's picture to make room for today's. When I was fully prepared I calmly strolled out of our tiny camping civilization through the parking lot and onto the little road that leads to my morning experience.

I was looking for a small path. Even though I was certainly fine with not finding one and making my own, I found at the foot of 18 mph sign. I began as a steep climb but soon ran into a better path and then to and intersection of paths where I chose to go right (my goal at this point was to see the sun peak over the mountains). The path winding around the mountain and later phizlled out, so I create my own path and headed straight up through a hill with many rocks that form ledges that protruded. Finally with one glass lens fogging up and me cursing it I stopped, sat on a ledged and cleaned my glasses and drank some water. when I started up again, I realized I was only thirty yards from the summit. It was beautiful, I have never seen such layers of mountains and light and clouds. It was just before sunrise so I snapped a few pictures and explored the summit.

I came back just in time and packed my pipe and began to enjoy God creating a new day.

The sun was already up when I heard some twigs and leafs wrestling down below, but there was wind, and rocks i had disturbed on my way up as well as other logical explanations, so I laughed thinking, "oh, how some would be scared." The noise continued, then I saw a tiny mouse run by and I thought, "See, something harmless."

The sight of the mouse was followed by a half-growl/half purr that one would expect would come from a large cat. My heart pounded now, i sat very still, now puffing on my pipe rapidly. Then the scary noise occurred again, this time certainly from the way I had come up. So....I silently emptied my bowl on a rock and tiptoed away from the summit, going a new, unknown way.

Fear had taken over me. I began to realize that a cat would eat me and no one would ever know! I began to move faster questioning why God would lure us into beauty and only to kill us! The mountains and forest were so dangerous. You could die! Thinking more about this I suddenly lost my footing on a rock and gravity began to work against me before I grabbed a dead root that was still firm in the ground.

I heard the purr again only much further away.

Now I could see the part of the camp, but I could also see a bone of what used to be a hiker...I thought...I then declared the world to be a dangerous place! (not because of sin but God just created it that way!) I finally found the path and could see the intersection. My heart still raced.

Now I was thinking about the risk of life, the emotional, physical, spiritual risks of life. Again I decided life is dangerous. Not Christian life, but all life is beautiful, charming, mysterious, and majestic, but scary nonetheless. All of those elements of beauty....those elements can "kill" you. As I approached the intersection the fear was gone. I had decided that a glimpse of the beauty was worth the risk.

"I'm going to go to the left next time," I thought. Admiring the beauty/danger I came to the 18 mph sign, darted across the road and over a couple of logs that made a bridge across the water and right to the sight of my tent. Back to our tiny camping civilization. I grabbed my moleskin and noticed the moon (it was full and beautiful) high in the sky. morning was well under way.

*Every element of life is worth the danger it creates ( and the danger is real)
**in this case, I later realized that the danger was not real, it was bird, whose wings sound like a growl and purr as they flap. Then I thought, life is funny...

The Cactus Field

Seeing the fields of Cacti on my right, I pull over into a rest stop.
In no rush I grab my Bible a pen and moleskine (my second of the summer)
I don't do anything for a long while except talk out loud and pause
This was a very happy time :)

After a long while I read Mark 1 and Psalm 1 and then I wrote this: (Nothing special,
Just an artifact of my jouney)

My Conversation with Myself

I had a voice recorder on my trip to new mexico and that is how I want to share this next section of that story. The audio sounds like I'm Neil Armstrong about to land on the moon, sorry, even though it does sound cool...This is basically ramblings about everything, I discuss what I'm learning about God, what I am worried about, what my travel plans are, and how I feel about my surroundings. Some of it truly doesn't make since. Some of it is truly cheesy. This is my struggle with myself....I don't think we share what we are going through enough, we don't talk about what God is doing in our lives and we try to keep it private, I just want to reveal just a small portion of my life story with you. the link below will take you to a page that has the audio on it. listen and look at the pictures below if you want...

my conversation on the way to and from New Mexico

Finding Hope

For what it is worth, life is fun…it is a delight and some might say it is a delight of the world that we delight in it. It appears as though creation or something greater out there enjoys sustaining our joy. The rain that falls into our cups, and fills the rivers, the sun shines on our faces, and the wind blows through our fingers as we drive down the highway. Simply the way the air changes slowly as you drive further north causes me to smile, especially on this particular night in August.

Also, I’m not sure, but I am pretty sure, I haven’t figured life out, and what I have figured out isn’t original. Nothing I have come up with concerning to life is new to this world, and for an artist that is frustrating.

I packed up everything I had, which is not saying much and drove away, though still frustrated by the traffic, I felt free. The problem was I had already given up on the place I was leaving several weeks ago and waited anxiously for my chance to drive to the mountains. With desperation and inspiration a smile slowly grew into the muscles in my face as I filled my car up with gas for my journey.

Even though the wind screamed through the sunroof you could tell it was a still night. I saw an elk on the road that night. It caused me to begin to talk to myself; I liked it, and decided to talk more often in the next three days.


I have always enjoyed the glow of the dashboard lights. I can remember looking up at my dad as he drove through the night, and the gentle way it illuminated his face. A new light appeared on my dashboard that told me that my car will run out of gas soon, as I slowed I rolled down all the windows, and felt the dry crisp summer night air. I began to sigh and then truly praised God as though I had been delivered from unspeakable circumstances. They weren’t that bad, but at the time every breath was heavy with freedom, after weeks of a resounding weight of frustration.

I pulled up to the house my parents were living in, it was not the home I grew up in and they were not home. I found the key my dad was talking about under the plant on the front porch, unpacked my car, putting most of my belongings in the garage, and keeping the camping gear in the my Saturn VUE. I drank a Dr. Pepper out of the fridge, brushed my teeth, and got into my brother’s bed, it was two o’clock in the morning and my plan was to start the second leg of the trip by six.

Just starting a journey to a breathtaking place, was vacation enough for me. I found that leaving everything behind and chasing something great, was hope. Packing, Planning, Preparing, it was all great, and i found some great deals on some equipment that changed my life, but the Leaving, that was something. Taking the cliche' "first step" was really finding joy in my heart, or atleast that is what I call the pounding within my heart, as I felt alive. Hope in Adventure.

My journey to New Mexico goes on and on, I can still remember every sense at every moment, every gas station, and every step of the trail I walked those four days. I can remember the stars at night, the chill in the mornings and the people that camped alongside of me. It was the most fantastic time of my life, pictures from those days grace the background of my computer. But in a sense it is a sad story, what makes the pay off of being out there with God so exciting is that I had spent so much time not with god, spent so much time not liking life, wanting to take a vacation, dwelling on that every five minutes as I sat there in the cubicle or in meetings in Houston.